Bunny Brew 1

( bunny in soup pot ) - ( rabbit stew )

The utensils of torment rest precariously above Bunny Foo Foo's head. Ohhh! I can't stand that cute whimsical name! Bunny Foo Foo. I don't know why, but for some reason this name is just stuck in my mind. This name plagued me so much that I hired Chef Boyardee to beat Bunny Foo Foo with a pancake spatula. Not being able to get Bunny Foo Foo to divulge the origins of his insidious name, I had no choice but to retort with this stovetop cooking session. How long does he have until he reaches a slow boil? Only my cooking timer knows.

Bunny Brew 2

( bunny in soup pot ) - ( rabbit stew )

Poor Bunny Foo Foo seems to be in the opening stages of shock...as I crank up the stove heat. Caught between warm comfort and 210 degrees fahrenheit, poor Bunny Foo Foo has no need to fear the wrath of the farmer anymore. Don't worry! At least I gave him back his carrot... in several bite-sized pieces that is.

Thistles He Wrought

( human skull with a thistle in the eye )

A human skull rests in between two dead branches, with a thistle placed ominously in the eye socket. Are these remains meant to scare off would be trespassers? Perhaps its the remnants of a cannibal's boxed lunch? Or is this a lesson regarding mankinds physical mortality? Ask him, not me.

Eat Your Fiber

( human skull with a thistle in the eye ) - ( skull with a balanced diet )

Jenny Craig? The Atkins Diet? Lean Cuisine? So many methods to keep from porking up, but all agree that a little fiber in your diet is a good thing. Shape up America!

Chat With Me

( human skull with a dead leaf on its head )

Is this what a human skull looks like when it is trying to communicate with a passerby? How would I know? You sick twisted freaks.

Embrace Me

( human skull on tree branches )

Is this what a human skull looks like when it is trying to get a hug from a passerby? How would I know? You are in need of some serious mental assistance weirdo.

Him

( zombie man ) - ( undead creature )

Is he alive or is he dead? Who is he? It's Him!!!

Hidden Agenda

( doll plots murder ) - ( doll seeks vengeance )

There was a point in this dolls life that it must have been loved and adored by some little kid, but time can be cruel and so can Scourge the Doll. A twisted look of retribution now exists on Scourge's cherubic cheeks. More than half a century old, battered from the grains of the sandbox and abandoned by pop-culture, Scourge seeks vengeance against his celluloid competition. The Bratz Dolls are soon to be on his hit list, but he has more formidable opponents to deal with first. Can you decipher Scourge's plot among the letter blocks before it is too late?
(Some still wonder why Tickle Me Elmo was so tough to locate a few years ago. Scourge said that was just for practice.)

Road Couch

( farmers sleep sofa ) - ( old couch on tractor tires )

And this years winner, for the Better Barns and Garbage Magazine's top barn goes to... Farmer O'Dell! How that comfy couch accents those sumptuous worn out tractor tires! This is the height of roadside decorating without a doubt.

Farmer's Lounge

( farmers sleep sofa ) - ( old couch on tractor tires )

This was another promo shot for Better Barns and Garbage Magazine. Farmer O'Dell's prized trailer can be seen in the background. I understand the red one was used to haul the road couch to the Antiques Roadshow back in 2002. Unfortunately the vintage chewing gum, stuck under the cushion, didn't inflate the value of his beloved sofa. Sadly the kids won't be able to afford going to college this year.

Cart Boys on Strike 1

( shopping cart on top of stop sign ) - ( shopping cart torment )

The cart boys have had enough!!! Call the union! Languishing in the hot summers day sun and catering to customers devoid of decent body odor and courtesy, the time is ripe for a cart boy rebellion. "Please return shopping carts to the rack when finished" read the signs scattered throughout the lot. However these stupid simians only focus on placing there non-essential last minute purchases into their frontal crash immune econo-boxes. Down with these parking lot putzes! Down with these arrogant, gratuity seeking peons! You shall feel the bezerking wrath of the Pusher's animosity! Wet cleanup in parking section B-12.

Cart Boys on Strike 2

( shopping cart on top of stop sign ) - ( shopping cart torment )

You may think the desire for a cart boy rebellion is waning. Fools! Your overconfidence precedes you. Destruction be to all who scoff and mock the Pushers!

Cart Carnage

( light pole bludgeons shopping cart ) - ( shopping cart torment )

Uprooted from its cement foundation at the local K-Mart, a light pole bearing much strife, carried out its quest for freedom. In a last ditch effort to devert unwary blue-light shoppers, several shopping carts were bridled together in a perimeter around the base of the 25 foot leviathan. But a false sense of security would only appease the most diligent of fools. A noble quest to seek freedom and distance from the many parking lot patrons, was sadly unattainable for this depressed light pole. After breaking its crown of glass and spilling its fluorescent fluids to the ground...this light pole died. However more than 7 shopping carts were killed in the process, becoming nothing but metallic martyrs to the Man. A shopping cart attack massacre of the highest degree. The K-Mart S.C.A.M. will surely be remembered.

Shopocalypse

( shopping cart buried in snow ) - ( victim to the marketplace )

Encased in 10' of snow, at a local supermarket, I happened upon the mangled remains of a cart carcass. Scooped up by the parking lot snowplow, along with several other shopping carts, it was totally buried in snow until I exhumed it! I soon realized that we are all just as expendable to the whims of the marketplace. "Consume! You money laden peons! Consume!" Then another round of layoffs strikes their employees, just so that a few extra dollars can go into the shareholder's pocket. Anyhow...despite the anger of the plowman I've sought and suceeded in exposing this evidence to you. I then drove away from the scene blasting Fugazi's "Merchandise" on my cd player: "When we have nothing left to give there will be no reason for us to live..." You are not what you own.

Dolly M.D.

( doll holding scalpel )

Recently having completed a online surgery course, this dolly vixen seems eager to find an unwilling patient. Look at this picture intensely and tell me you do not hear her whisper; "I ply my trade as I pry your brain!" Fortunately at a little over a foot tall, I doubt she could get a good swipe at your cranium. She may just expeditate you though, just to get you down to lobotomy striking range.

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